Conditioning

I am halted by conditions.  Conditional promises are circled throughout my Bible, just in case I miss one ‘if’.  I don’t want to fall short you know, as if I could do anything but.  I listen to warnings carefully, (James 4:1-4) “you do not have because you do not ask.  You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.”  As we begin a prayer ministry at our church I felt assaulted by these warnings, what if I don’t know what to ask the Lord.  What if I have no faith?  What if my sin gets in the way?  What if I insult the Lord?  What if I’m just a big fat fraud?

He yearns jealously over the spirit that he made to dwell in us. James 4:5

But he gives more grace.  God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.  Submit yourselves therefore to God.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you. James 4:6

Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. James 4:8

I asked the question, are their conditions on His dwelling with me?  My sin is dealt with, right?  Jesus, right? But my habit of fear does separate my peace; the habit to fear is an insult to His presence.  How can He be there to co-dwell with fear?  But I need His strength to get rid of this fear.  I prayed, “Lord, give me tangible prayers, thoughts, and actions to be rid of this fear.”

An hour later I read an article on NPR, a report on whether military chaplains have to believe in God (http://www.npr.org/2013/07/31/207320123/should-military-chaplains-have-to-believe-in-god).  I was in tears thinking about a dying soldier being led in prayer, or assisted in prayer by someone who doesn’t believe in God.  Empty words without faith - a prayer for the dead, not the living. 

I found a quiet place and heard the Lord ask me, “are you a Godless priest?“ “No,” I answered, tears streaming down my face.  “Is the word given to you by Me imperfect because of your imperfection?”  “No,” forgive me Lord.  And He does. 

As you come to him, (draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.), a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ. (1 Peter 2:4-5) The condition?  Come to Him.  This I can do.

For while we are still in this tent…

For while we are still in this tent…

Last time I checked I was still in this tent (2 Cor 5:1-5), and groaning with sharing the burdens that have been trying to live in this body tent with me.  There are the insecurities, like, comparing myself to other people and coming up short.  There is the fear that covers that inside of my tent with residue that gets into every pore.  And the burden of the mortal me who has evil’s to conceal.  It gets crowded in here. 

The first part of this month my family and I planned a trip to Germany, a family ministry trip.  I was scared, I mean really scared, the morning the tickets were bought I thought the knot in my stomach would never un-cinch.  The old panic to run, and figure out a plan B was all too real.  I however, love this passage of scripture, and left to myself, I would live in this tent. And yet… the Lord is ready to move me out of this stinking tent.  So, I packed, I prayed, really prayed, and I received.  I received His words for me, “this is your time of training”; “I want to fill your eyes, they have become empty”; “just trust Me”; and “you were made for this, I made you remember”. 

I pretty much thought I was going to self-destruct on the first plane, that I was going to have a panic attack, that the kids were going to get sick, that every conceivable outrage would come true.  And if … if it did… I was going to have to let what is ‘mortal be swallowed up by what is immortal.’  I was going to have to trust Him, and that He has got me. 

We arrived, the trip was what flying in a sardine can is supposed to be like, but without a hitch, with family humor, and Davidisms a plenty (my son is full of phrases).  A memory that will never be duplicated.  But then…

I had to walk into the phase of ministering in whatever way the Lord had for my husband and I.  We met people, we prayed for them, and guess what…  Immortal took a big gulp.  Oh yeah, a deep refreshing taste of how good the Lord is, how much he loves me and this God child I was praying for.  And “he who prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.”  He made good on this promise, that guarantee is valid, eternal, and makes what is mortal absurd. 

Next to who Jesus is, what Jesus did when He died for me, and what Jesus has given me, my insecurities, my fears, my annoying incompatibilities are absurd.  Rediculous.  That doesn’t mean I don’t feel them anymore, it means that I know what I am fighting for.  His thoughts for us are way more important than our life-killing thoughts, and what He has in store for us goes farther than our life-restraining plans, and I just got to stay in.  The guarantee has been given me.